i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
