I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
