just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
