glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
