Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
