I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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