Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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