I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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