This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
