He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
