Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
