$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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