DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
