Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
