So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
