all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ketchup is God's man juice
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
