I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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