Where did you get a picture of my penis
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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