I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
