possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
