you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i've created a new STD.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
