He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have started to decorate penises.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
