checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
my liver is dry heaving
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
