Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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