Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
