I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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