Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
