I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
