went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
