i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
