Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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