my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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