I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
