Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
