so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
