I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
