i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
