I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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