Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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