Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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