yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
