His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
