if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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