my room smells like sperm. sweet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
