its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
