If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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