Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
