I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
