I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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