RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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