i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
