ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
