maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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