he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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