the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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