i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to calm my uterus...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
