dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fuck appropriateness.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
