He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
