PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
