i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
