No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
