you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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