just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize