just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
