He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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