Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
