R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
