I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
