I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
