If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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