so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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