I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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