She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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