Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
