I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
