Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
