just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize