He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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