There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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