everyone is single if you try hard enough
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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