Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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