I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
